Felonious Breakdancing

Introduction: The following conversation with my father is not true.

I simply wanted to develop, or better yet attempt to develop, a creative intro for the ridiculous crime story that follows our fictional exchange.

Thanks for humoring me, and I hope my reasoning for this odd approach makes sense in the end.

Background: A conversation from 10 years ago.

SLAMDUNK: Thanks Dad for taking care of this.

DAD: Son, let this be the last time that you embarrass this family.

SLAMDUNK: Yes sir. I don't know what happened. I was there, just having a good time. I won the mechanical bull riding competition. They gave me this brass five and a quarter inch Western Belt Buckle with a spur that actually spins and a ring as well. I put the buckle and ring on for the two-step contest, and everything was kosher. I was all bling when...

DAD: Tell me again how you damaged the dance floor and drywall of this cowboy dive?

SLAMDUNK: Dad...Like I said... I was steppin fast, tripped and did a sliding header on the floor. My buckle caught on something and caused the floor damages. As folks helped me to a stool, I stumbled again and this "brass-edged weapon" with the spur sliced the wall--how do guys actually walk regularly in these fancy boots?

{Father pauses, looks down at the ground and shakes his head}

DAD: Well, if you had not displayed twenty-years of clod-like dexterity, I might question your story.

DAD: I took care of the damages this time. You will pay me back ASAP. Understood?


DAD: One more thing. Promise me that you will never damage anything again by showing off your Fred Astaire-side. Deal?



Fast Forward to the Present: The conversation was forgotten for more than a decade, until I received this message:

DAD: Son, do you remember our deal about you, dancing, and damaging private property?

If so, please tell me that Ryan Baczkiewicz is not one of your aliases:

The Buffalo News reports that 18-year-old Ryan Baczkiewicz was arrested Sunday night.

The charge?

Breakdancing while wearing a diamond-studded belt buckle at a house party in nearby Elma.

His (presumably sick) moves resulted in $3,000 worth of "gouging damage" on the hardwood floors. Apparently, there was no cardboard to lay down and get up on.

The charge was criminal trespass and criminal mischief - a felony...
Fortunately, I am not Ryan Baczkiewicz or use the name as an alias, and I simply do not have the skills to dance--now or as an undergraduate.

Honestly, as a young college freshman, a very patient and obviously misguided friend spent hours trying to develop my lackluster dance skills so that I could accompany her to some big university event.

Though her effort helped me look presentable and allowed me to survive other such events during my time in school, I was and am still a fish out of water on the floor.

And, I don't want to remember how long I practiced slow dancing as to not embarrass anyone at my wedding.

In any event, Baczkiewicz's diamond-belt buckle sporting bootie-shaking felony should certainly earn him five-minutes of fame.

And just for the record: anyone that knows me would attest that I don't attempt body rock or belly swim breakdance techniques without being in full performance attire that would include a large brass belt buckle, jeweled rings, and my gold grill bling as depicted below.


*Note: After sharing the goofy arrest article with friend and superblogger Jenny Mac of Let's Have a Cocktail, and commenting that even she did not have a life experience that could equate to Baczkiewicz's gyrating mishap, she essentially challenged/dared me to create a post using this odd crime story and include the terms "Bling" and "Grill." I think she simply enjoys tormenting us junior varsity writers.

**Additional Note: The images were used from here and here.


jinksy said...

The last photo looks uncomfortably like a set of false teeth! LOL

angelcel said...

Well you certainly rose to the challenge!

In years to come, Ryan B may feel tempted to brag about his bad boy side by throwing into conversation about the time he was arrested for criminal trespass and criminal mischief. The only trouble is that it won't sound quite so cool if he fesses up that it was for breakdancing while wearing a diamond-studded belt buckle!

malone8 said...

This story reminds of a time years ago when I was on the dance floor with someone I was hoping to get close to. Suddenly, I hit a slick spot and down I went … no need to describe the embarrassment.

nihaojapan said...

Thanks a lot for leaving kind message on my blog.

This story is awesome. I enjoyed a lot. I remembered my story. When I was in high school, everyday after school, I went to my close friend Louis's home, we used to eat up all stuff in the refrig. His parents came back home once a week, we could really mess up the house. The boy's mother always complained but she liked me very much, so the problem was still ok. Once she made lots of sausages for new year. We couldn't help stopping eating while playing games and chatting every afternoon. When she found she had no sausages for the family and guests in new year, she swore to call the police. LOL. I had a crazy and stupid young days. She was a very nice lady, few years ago I still visited her before I moved out of the town.

BTW, I am in the law field too. Hope to read your posts more, please keep them coming, thanks again.

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

How is it trespassing if it was a party and he was invited? I think you should put in that gold grill and post a pic for us!!! And maybe some of your mad dancing skills too...lol! OH! I also think you should do a half-marathon but that's all of MY thoughts for the day. Have a great weekend!

Bob G. said...

Okay, now I'm reallty thinking of redefining the word "odd"...!

And have you ever heard a person with a "grille" try and talk so you could understand them?
(not a pretty picture)

Have a great weekend.

Herding Cats said...

I'm digging the grill.

Luisa Doraz said...

Leave it to life to throw us those punches! :) Have fun today!

Ann T. said...

Dear Slamdunk,
I got some nice laughs out of this. You can definitely write the fiction! It sound just like a dad "let this be the last time . ."

I love to dance, but for the formal stuff I have to have a good partner. Once my husband and I took a waltz and foxtrot lesson. .They quickly separated us. Both could dance w/ the instructors. Then we danced together.

Hey, we're doing it! I marveled.
"Yeah, because now I'm pushing You around," he told me.

Ann T.

Nikole Hahn said...

I bet you and your dad will have some humorous stories to tell at those family dinners once he reads what he did not say...lol. Very funny, and sad about the felony. Ouch.

Rhiannon Nicole said...

Hahaha wow. Grills. Yuck!

terri said...

I think you rose to the challenge! Great job coming up with the background story. And the real story? Too strange!

BobKat said...

Good Post... interesting fiction and story... actually NPR had done a segment on "Bling"... having gold teeth like that is all the rage and each tries to out-do the others... the "blings are suppose to be solid gold, or 18K, and the segment dealt with these blingers having the gold in their blings analyzed.

I can't dance either, although I can slow-dance...


Sam said...

Cool... The story did bring back some memories!..

JennyMac said...

you are so street, Slams.

And well done on the challenge. A grill made o' bling is the perfect thing to make up for the fact that you can't do the body rock. By the way, what do you mean you can't do the body rock !?!?!? I promise not to mock you for your lack of dancing skills. Mrs. Slams might have already teased you about this once or twice.

Dan said...

At least he wasn't waltzing and arrested for removing the ladies dress by force of a diamond knife!

J. J. in Phila said...

Back in the 1980's, I was with my girlfriend, and attempted to break dance.

After jumping and attempting a spin, my girlfriend asked, "Did you hurt yourself?"

Unfortunately, I had. :)

オテモヤン said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 ALH said...

Haha, love this post. Creative use of 'grill' and 'bling'! Great work as always :)

Amanda West said...

oh my! That was hilarious!

plello said...

Best line from the father-son dialogue:

"DAD: Well, if you had not displayed twenty-years of clod-like dexterity, I might question your story."

Great post, thoroughly enjoyed.

Slamdunk said...

Thanks to everyone in humoring with this one.

@ JJ: I remember you referring to a break-dancing incident in undergrad.

@ Nihaojapan: Yikes--I bet your friend's was not happy.

@ My Husband..: Yeah, that part of the story is odd. It sounds like one of the charges that is quickly dropped.

@ Nikole: Yes, My poor father is used as an actor on this blog regularly--fortunately he is not a regular reader.

@ JennyMac: Yes, it is one of many things that the Mrs. has on me for comedy uses (she will likely dress in a suit of armor to protect her vital organs if we have have to dance again).