Definitely Not a Job Perk

Every job has perks.

When I worked as a police officer and then as a supervisor, I had a take home vehicle.

It was great.

At the consulting firm where I was employed, the agency regularly entertained VIPs with catered lunches. 

Fortunately for employees, we would then get to help with the leftovers.  Needless to say, I needed to run laps during lunch hours on most days there.

I have never worked at Wal-Mart, but I am sure their workers get perks as well.

Maybe they are offered employee discounts over the holidays.  Or possibly, workers have access to damaged items considered trash that are in salvageable condition.

Whatever the case, I have to believe that 24-hour access to the Family Restroom should NOT be a reward for Wal-Mart employees.

The other day while hanging at our local Wallyworld, it became evident that our youngest son was in need of a diaper change.  His sister then announced that she could use a potty break as well.

Unfazed by the parental challenge, I directed our three-child crew to the family bathroom in the back of the store.

Unfortunately, I saw employee "Walter", as was the name printed on his name tag, closing the door to our destination. 

Since it was not an emergency, we waited for him to complete his business. 

I patiently counted ceiling tiles while the little ones took the opportunity to punch keys on a keyboard at an adjacent hiring kiosk; probably applying for a job at the deli counter or something.

A short time later, "Walter" emerged from the bathroom with a smile followed by a powerful cloud of funk that must have been what the prison sewage tunnel smelled like when Tim Robbins' character used to escape in The Shawshank Redemption.

Knowing that failure in this mission was unacceptable, we all gasped one last breath of uncontaminated air and entered the restroom.

Well, we survived--misson accomplished.

I really wish that Wal-Mart made one thing clear to "Walter" and any other employee indulging in the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet before work: The regular bathrooms will suffice for your adult bodily functions.

45 comments:

suz said...

Thank you, Walter. (ew)

Jessica Bell said...

Yuck! That stinks! ;o)

Sister Copinherhair said...

Ha ha! What I found to be even funnier is that your kids are probably all on the payroll at Wal-Mart.

I have a slightly similar gripe. While I love that our local chain of "Giant" grocery stores employs some mentally challenged people, I sincerely wish they would teach them to bag groceries properly. I purposely organize my items on the belt the way they should be bagged. Frozen, canned, cleaning products, etc. Do they end up that way? No. Somehow, I end up with one bag containing three of the six cans of cat food, one of the two bottles of coffee creamer, my dish detergent, and my ground beef. The other bags were similar. This drives me absolutely bonkers!

Of course, this also comes from the daughter of a retired grocery store manager.

Dan said...

Why do you think they offer gas masks on Aisle 3? Walter is simply a sales tool. {*grin*}

Expat From Hell said...

Ah, the right combination of personal history and terrific humor. You continue to surprise me, SD. In a good way! EFH

Matthew Rush said...

Oh man. This is an unfortunate tale, sir, but to expect any less (or more) from a Wal-Mart employee would be sadly optimistic.

People of Walmart.

Hilary said...

Poor Walter.. what a claim to fame. ;)

J. J. in Phila said...

You'd prefer they do it in Aisle #3?

:)

Oz Girl said...

Oh that's horrid. I'm with Walter though, what more could you expect considering your location?! LOL

Bob G. said...

Slamdunk:
Another case of employees not being properly "advised" as to HOW to conduct themselves on site, and promote a friendly shopping experience...

Not friendly one dang bit.

Good post.

Stephen Tremp said...

More Walmart stories. Hilarious. I love the PICTURES OF WALMART people email me from time to time. Its like a sub culture all its own.

Stephen Tremp

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

So yucky! Read my post today about the marathon and the nice guy who cleaned the Port-a-Potty for us. His friend told us that he worked in a prison so he was used to that sort of thing.

carma said...

UGH!!! I feel for you. I meant to do a blog post on local Walmart employee "Baxter" (his real name) - who jumped my husband's crap when he threw a ketchup pack into the bin he (Baxter) left outside the restroom because apparently it was for recycling or some other such thing and not garbage. Baxter is a custodian. I mentioned his surly attitude to a manager but she pretty much said that's how he is some days...You know if that was you or I we would have been fired on the spot.

obladi oblada said...

Ew....one more reason for me to stay away from Wal mart.

Samantha VĂ©rant said...

I feel your pain. Glad you survived the "bomb."

T. Anne said...

Sounds like you were quite the dad on duty! I'd call and let management know.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

Stinky poo in any public bathroom is gross.

However, it could be that Walter used that single bathroom BECAUSE he knew he was going to be a bad one. Maybe he wanted a little privacy.

It could also be that Walter has a gender related issue that would keep him out of the men's room.

Just saying.

SoccerMom said...

Ewwwwwww that was nasty.

I dont think I would of been able to enter.

I hate when ppl do that.

I think I would have had to say something to good ole "walter" like thanks alot jackass.

Selma said...

PONG. You are a very brave man. Walter should go to the bathroom before he gets to work. Poo weeeh.

BobKat said...

Ah, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest maybe, Walter has only two perks... the employee discount and the family restroom.

That being said, it's said, "patience is a virtue." But as one wise man once said, "better to risk the road than wait for Walter."

Kristin said...

I have found that most people find the family bathroom there for everyone's use. Never mind me hanging out with my screaming toddler in the hall. So frustrating.

Herding Cats said...

One of my least favorite things in the world = walking into used bathroom smell. EWWWWW.

Holly said...

That is just foul and so completley something that would happen to me and my kids.

angelcel said...

LOL...oh noooooo!
I have something verging on a phobia for public loos - the liberally deposited 'emissions' of every sort are almost too much to bear. This phobia may stem from an encounter in a public lavatory in Tipperary, Ireland where someone lacking a pencil had improvised and used what was 'to hand' for their copious graffitti. (Are you with me...?).

Brian Miller said...

ha. maybe the employee restrooms...or maybe he needs his own...

maxiscomments.com said...

Sounds as if Walmart needs to have a strident rule that employees not use customer rest rooms.

BTW, I have a close friend who works for Walmart … perks are really slim.

malone8 said...

Sounds as if Walmart needs to have a strident rule that employees not use customer rest rooms.

BTW, I have a close friend who works for Walmart … perks are really slim.

Patty said...

Did he flush, at least?

ladyfi said...

They should have family gas masks! This made me laugh - thanks!

Catherine said...

LOL. I hear you. As far as perks - I'm at an agency where we always get lots of free food. I too need to exercise during lunch! LOL. I just try to abstain from the free treats. Notice I said try. I don't always succeed.

Kristen @ Motherese said...

Oh dear. What an adventure for you and yours!

We had a similar experience in an airport recently. I hauled my two little ones to a family restroom and we waited as patiently as a 1 and 2 year old can while the occupant finished his business.

Unlike Walter, though, this guy wasn't using the family restroom for a call of nature; he was using it to smoke a cigarette. So we had the chance to go about our business with a different type of aroma to "enjoy."

LisaF said...

Eeewwwwww. Now I KNOW you're getting the bloggy award I'm giving you over at my place! :-/

Leigh said...

Hilarious! You have to feel for Walter if his one job perk is getting to stink up the family bathroom and grin triumphantly at his stinking ability. Good post haha.
www.notcomplicated.wordpress.com

WomanHonorThyself said...

err..what to say?..lol.oh well I sure do luvvvvvvvvvvvvv my job!

kathryn said...

Oh, ew. It sounds like the only perk from that visit was the paycheck your kids will now bring in on their new jobs as VPs in charge of proper toilet etiquette. I'm sure that position comes with medical...and a private restroom...

We can only hope!

terri said...

How rude!

aconnectiontomyheart said...

ROFL, and the best part was the realisation!! " it became evident " .. Ha ha.. I know that when it happens to me right when I step out of the home and into a store with the boys.. :(

Diana said...

I feel like I just did a "scratch and sniff" on your blog. Ewwwwww.

Uh, thanks.

LOL!

Candice said...

I freakin' HATE that!!! Or worse, when they're not even using the bathroom, they just hang out in there, several of them, chatting. I'm like, "Hello??? I have a 2 yr old here with a load of crap in his pants...get back to work!!" Ugh!

Krista said...

EW! That's nasty... but hilarious! I can understand why you would rather he used the staff restroom, for sure! but then someone would have probably nagged him then, also! LOL!

DonutSoup said...

Omyword. That was hilarious. You have truly chosen careful words for that one. HAHA.
http://donutsoup.com

Momma Fargo said...

Thanks for that! It made me laugh.

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tackydidaxie said...

haha that is disgusting.

tackydidaxie said...

haha that is disgusting.