I simply wanted to develop, or better yet attempt to develop, a creative intro for the ridiculous crime story that follows our fictional exchange.
Thanks for humoring me, and I hope my reasoning for this odd approach makes sense in the end.
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Background: A conversation from 10 years ago.
SLAMDUNK: Thanks Dad for taking care of this.
DAD: Son, let this be the last time that you embarrass this family.
SLAMDUNK: Yes sir. I don't know what happened. I was there, just having a good time. I won the mechanical bull riding competition. They gave me this brass five and a quarter inch Western Belt Buckle with a spur that actually spins and a ring as well. I put the buckle and ring on for the two-step contest, and everything was kosher. I was all bling when...

DAD: Tell me again how you damaged the dance floor and drywall of this cowboy dive?
SLAMDUNK: Dad...Like I said... I was steppin fast, tripped and did a sliding header on the floor. My buckle caught on something and caused the floor damages. As folks helped me to a stool, I stumbled again and this "brass-edged weapon" with the spur sliced the wall--how do guys actually walk regularly in these fancy boots?
{Father pauses, looks down at the ground and shakes his head}
DAD: Well, if you had not displayed twenty-years of clod-like dexterity, I might question your story.
DAD: I took care of the damages this time. You will pay me back ASAP. Understood?
SLAMDUNK: Yessir.
DAD: One more thing. Promise me that you will never damage anything again by showing off your Fred Astaire-side. Deal?
SLAMDUNK: Agreed.
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Fast Forward to the Present: The conversation was forgotten for more than a decade, until I received this message:
DAD: Son, do you remember our deal about you, dancing, and damaging private property?
If so, please tell me that Ryan Baczkiewicz is not one of your aliases:
The Buffalo News reports that 18-year-old Ryan Baczkiewicz was arrested Sunday night.Fortunately, I am not Ryan Baczkiewicz or use the name as an alias, and I simply do not have the skills to dance--now or as an undergraduate.
The charge?
Breakdancing while wearing a diamond-studded belt buckle at a house party in nearby Elma.
His (presumably sick) moves resulted in $3,000 worth of "gouging damage" on the hardwood floors. Apparently, there was no cardboard to lay down and get up on.
The charge was criminal trespass and criminal mischief - a felony...
Honestly, as a young college freshman, a very patient and obviously misguided friend spent hours trying to develop my lackluster dance skills so that I could accompany her to some big university event.
Though her effort helped me look presentable and allowed me to survive other such events during my time in school, I was and am still a fish out of water on the floor.
And, I don't want to remember how long I practiced slow dancing as to not embarrass anyone at my wedding.
In any event, Baczkiewicz's diamond-belt buckle sporting bootie-shaking felony should certainly earn him five-minutes of fame.
And just for the record: anyone that knows me would attest that I don't attempt body rock or belly swim breakdance techniques without being in full performance attire that would include a large brass belt buckle, jeweled rings, and my gold grill bling as depicted below.

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*Note: After sharing the goofy arrest article with friend and superblogger Jenny Mac of Let's Have a Cocktail, and commenting that even she did not have a life experience that could equate to Baczkiewicz's gyrating mishap, she essentially challenged/dared me to create a post using this odd crime story and include the terms "Bling" and "Grill." I think she simply enjoys tormenting us junior varsity writers.
**Additional Note: The images were used from here and here.








