For Sale: Doing Our Part

One of our next door neighbors recently put their house up for sale.

Curious, the Mrs. stated:

Slam, the next time you are out walking the yellow buffalo, sneak next door and take a quick look at one of the neighbor's "for sale flyers"--I want to know how much they want for their home.

I do as ordered and report back to the Mrs. an amount that we agree is about $50,000 more than what should be a reasonable expectation for such a home. 

In any event...

With any residential sale, location and having good neighbors is essential.

With that in mind, the Mrs. and I have implemented the following regulations to help our neighbors obtain maximum value on their home sale:

1) Postpone Kid Skinny-Dipping Ventures

The youngest prefers running through sprinklers and kid pools in the buff, but unfortunately prospective buyers may be deterred by a landscape view obstructed by a shiny hiney.  If the little guy does strip, emergency bath towels are located at both ends of the yard for immediate coverage.

2) Hide the Yellow Buffalo

Our yellow-lab mix believes that any property that he can see is his, and he should bark, growl, and otherwise intimidate persons nearby.  Nothing says "next house hun" more than a howling 95 lbs. looking ferocious behind a four-foot fence.

3) Cancel the Backyard Sports Schedule

Though the current neighbor's may appreciate showing how well constructed thier windows are after tennis balls, plastic baseballs and softballs, foam rockets, and other projectiles safely bounce off, the noise and shock may be too much for a potential buyer.

4) Temporarily Close the Shooting Range

For the time being, older boy is prohibited from firing his Mossberg replica pump-action shotgun (pellet gun) at targets in the field behind our houses.  Though fun, making aluminum cans fly using a shotgun-loooking weapon may not be seen as an appealing family activity by all adults.


If the kids, can abide by these simple temporary restrictions, I am confident that our neighbors will make a quick sale, and then I can request some kind of commission.

Or, it will be a good practice run for when we chase off the next set of neighbors, and the "for sale" scenario is repeated.

At least that is my opinion, and I am sticking to it.


Ok, so I embellished a bit in this post.  We are really not that bad of a family to have living next door .


ladyfi said...

Too funny! You sound like great neighbours - we'd love to hang out with you guys!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

LOL! Honestly, y'all sound like my kind of neighbors. If I saw all that going on, I'd probably buy the house... my current neighbors are mostly kidless and so quiet!

Rebecca Watson said...

ohhh now, that is super funny! Seriously, i dont like my neighbors so I would act like the best just so I could get rid of them!!!

Suz said...

If it's overpriced by 50K, your entire family can run through the sprinklers naked; no potential buyers will see you!

Matthew MacNish said...


J. J. in Phila said...

The target range would be a selling point as far as I'm consernefd.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Thanks for the smile and outward chuckle this morning!!!

LOVED it :)

Chip "Rocket Man" Allen said...

"Yellow Buffalo" I love it! Ours is red and a little larger.......and still growing! Buddy growls and barks at anything or anyone except me and THE BOSS!

I'm glad I don't have to worry about these rules because running through the sprinklers in the raw is one of my favorite pastimes.....after backyard plinking ... with a real Mossberg 12 gauge pump.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I don't know. I kind of like (pre-teen) shiny hineys! They add to the cute factor! :)

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

That doesn't sound like any fun! I might have to steal that buffalo thing although ours would be a black buffalo who thinks he's a lap dog!

Maxi said...

Still laughing!

We have next door neighbors with more than 30 Macaws, Cockatiels, etc.

They also do backyard breeding of small dogs.

The noise is horrendous, but they are covered by law in our rural area.

carma said...

awww...too bad that was embellishing as we'd love to have you next door :D we grew up as kids using a bb gun firing at a dog house - on our property - the dog was already deceased.

I like that your wife suckers you into getting the flyers. I used to do that with my husband until he balked and now I have to do it myself :-(

secret agent woman said...

Naked kids are not a problem. The pellet gun and growling dog, possibly. But maybe you should make sure any potential buyer sees all that so that you won't have to deal with complaints down the road.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Haha. Too funy. You must really want to get rid of your current neighbors.

Momma Fargo said...

Haha. Thanks for the laugh. That was an awesome post. And I feel for you on the crapshoot of getting good neighbors. Downright stressful. LOL

Reggie said...

You had me in stitches there, Slam. You and your family sound like fun neighbours to have, actually!

Krista said...

Oh no! I think you should ramp up the listed activities... until they notice. And THEN tell them you will cut them all out for a cut of the sales price... it's all about how your frame it for them. ;o)

Entre Nous said...

Oh this is precious!