I Might Be a Redneck If

I might be a redneck if...

The Mrs. told me she was showing the kids some sparklers and a stray spark started a tiny fire on the front-yard grass.  Evidently, the sparkler demonstration turned into mom's best tap dancing routine as she stamped out flames.

I might be a redneck if...

While sitting in water at the local swimming hole, I observed older boy reenacting the techniques demonstrated on the show "Hillbilly Handfishin." He did not have any luck in catching a fish, but did pull a $10 pair of sunglasses out of the water--and whoa was he all smiles.

I might be a redneck if...

I took Sissy and older boy to a monster truck show last weekend. My three-year-old nephew loves monster trucks, so brother-in-law and family accompanied part of my crew for the hot, muddy, and loud competition.  Zoom zoom.

I might be a redneck if...

A birthday party the little kids were going to was unexpectedly canceled.  We received a call that the community pool had to be closed for the evening as it was being shocked and cleaned after a child dropped a poo in the water. Frustrated, our kids could not understand why the community pool cannot be cleaned as fast as our backyard pool--when Dad picks up the $20 wading pool, dumps the water, wipes it clean, and refills it in 15 minutes.

I might be a redneck if...

So with the pool being unavailable for the birthday party, we took the kids to the local "beach." Around  here the "beach" is a rocky and sandy strip of flat land with a creek. The creek water is about waist deep on me this time of year.

I might be a redneck if...

Older son showed me a heavy iron-like ball he bought for 20 cents at a yard-sale.  The kid found the rusted one-pound ball at the bottom of a box of toys.  He thought it was odd and might be something historic.  I agreed, and we researched my guess as to what it was.  The weight, diameter, and physical appearance are consistent with "grapeshot" used by artillery in the American Civil War. I am not sure who was more excited--me or him. Below, is a photo of what son's grapeshot looks like (one ball).


__________________________

So, there you have it.

I may be transforming.

And, only you can help.

Now, before my porch becomes a crash-pad for 13 dogs, and my front yard becomes littered with old truck parts, I ask all of you bloggers this: please continue writing educational posts.

This exposure is essential for me.

If I can continue being cultured and challenged by all of you out there, I can prevent myself from becoming fluent in "redneckanese."

My fight continues.
_______________________________

Have a good weekend everyone.  

23 comments:

Anthony said...

That's a pretty cool find.

Suz said...

I gave up that battle years ago. I was a small town suburban girl and I married what I thought was someone similar. Uh, nope. He wasn't just "from Mississippi," His daddy was a sharecropper, he had no indoor plumbing for his first six years, and he attended a "Separate" school district.

Oddly enough, it turns out he's a better man even than I thought he was. But he's a redneck. Put a sofa on the porch and embrace it. If you work hard enough at it, you can eventually forget your helping verbs.

Rachna Chhabria said...

Hmm...I am just wondering what's happening to you Slam Dunks.

You seem to be spending a lot of time with kids, that's very good.

Have a great weekend.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

Kids can turn you into all kinds of unexpected things, sometimes even better parents. : )

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

My neighbors put their patio furniture in the garage and sit out there instead of in the backyard on the patio...

Miranda Hardy said...

Funny you should mention educational posts. I plan on starting a series of posts beginning next Friday on mysterious and unexplained phenomenon. Yeah!

Nothing wrong with being a redneck. They are utterly entertaining.

Pat Hatt said...

hahaha you may be beyond saving already, but the cat will try.

Clarissa Draper said...

I think your son will be a wonderful collector one day.

Secret Agent Woman said...

My boyfriend, born and bred in the South, has a big old truck, a boat, a motorcycle and is happy as a clam tinkering with or riding all three. He likes guns and has a tattoo and an accent that thickens when he is talking to other folks from around here. Redneck? Maybe. He's also educated and kind and well-traveled. Maybe it's okay to embrace all the aspects of yourself.

messymimi said...

It's the rednecks who turn out to help you when your kid goes missing in the woods or your house burns or your spouse ends up in the hospital. They're good people, as are you and your family.

Bob G. said...

Slamdunk:
ROFLMAO...
These days, I swear the only way I could become a redneck is if I was outside gardening wearing a collarless shirt...!
(just ain't trying hard ENOUGH, I guess...lol)

Yeah, those "sunglass fish" like to troll the bottom...like channel-cats...

Nice find w/ that grapeshot "ball".

Stay safe out there.

Candice said...

Well you know you can't count on me to post anything educational!! ;)

Ciara said...

I live in Kennesaw, GA. Need I say more?

Rachel Lloyd said...

This is the funniest blog yet! Hilarious! I reckon you must be plum tuckered out from all the excitement.Signed city slicker Rachel from San Diego

Brian Miller said...

haha you just might be...smiles...embrace that inner red neck...smiles....

Adam said...

Lol at the creek one

terri said...

Awww... the Redneck life sounds kinda nice. Enjoy it while you can!

Jax said...

...I might not be of great help. I have a post about a toe coming up... hahahaha

Monster Truck shows are awesome!! That's totally not something that I would be ashamed of ;) lol

Selma said...

Many of the nicest people I know have a little bit of redneck in them. Nothing wrong with it at all, but I'll do what I can. LOL.

Zuzana said...

That was fun.;) I guess I am not a redneck then, not yet at least.;)
Nice to see you again, hope you are well.;))
xoxo

Jeanette Levellie said...

You crack me up! I'll be sure and do a post on classical music next time...

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

Too funny...mom's best tap dance routine!

Miss Caitlin S. said...

hahahah, my Dad used to always listen to this when we were little. Love a little Jeff Foxworthy in my life!


LOVE the pool story, hah, that's the best.

The grape shot story is cool! No shame in that.

And I'd go to a Monster Truck rally- if only to see Walmart's Summer Line on real-life models! (har har). But really, I would go.