Decapitation

A few weeks ago as I was knee-deep in grading papers, one submission reminded me of when I had stayed up too late finishing a darn undergrad assignment.

I think I was a freshman and on a history paper stated something to this extent:

The President literally died in anticipation of the teletype's contents.

After the papers were scored, I remember the professor patiently yet with several belly laughs explaining to me the difference between "literally" and "figuratively."

Wow, was I red-faced.

Anyway, a current student gave me a good belly laugher as well when he wrote:

Preliminary research indicates that selective decapitation is a viable option for relieving some of the burden placed on modern correctional systems. 

I think the Mrs. would take that sentence and run with it. She is fully prepared to recommend selective decapitation for me if I continue to leave the toilet seat lid up.

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Note: The term the student wanted was "selective decapacitation" which means to properly assess criminal offenders so that corrections officials can direct certain low-risk individuals to alternatives other than prison. 

31 comments:

Miranda Hardy said...

That is great!! I'm all for selective decapitation. Lol

Brian Miller said...

seriously we could run it like a lottery...lol....oh my....going to go check the toilet seat now...

Matthew MacNish said...

Oh hah! LOL. You gotta love language.

Luisa Doraz said...

Happy New Year. Long time no see. lol Hope you are all well and happy. I really enjoyed this post. :) Have fun writing. :)

Pat Hatt said...

LOL why not throw in head hunting and have a ball

messymimi said...

Hm, i'll have to use "selective decapitation" when the kids do something, see if they figure it out. Thanks for sharing that laugh!

Rachna Chhabria said...

"selective decapacitation" sounds hmm scary. Be careful ;)

Happy New Year.

Clarissa Draper said...

That's funny! I haven't heard of that new form of punishment.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

LOL, that's so funny!

Ciara said...

I can embarrass myself even more. Once, I was doing a timed test for a job. Each answer had association at the end. To save time I abbreviated, and not in the appropriate way.

It's great to visit you again. I've missed your blog. I'm online and hope to remain in better contact.

Jess said...

*snort* That's awesome.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

BWAHAHAHAHA! Awesome!

terri said...

Wives everywhere are going to be embracing this "selective decapitation" concept. Of course, once put to use, it can never be again, so there is some comfort for you guys in that! :-)

Michael Offutt, Speculative Fiction Author said...

Selective decapitation. Careful...that may go on the banned list of words and join the ranks of "fiscal cliff" and "spoiler alert".

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'd vote for selective decapitation. =)

Midlife Jobhunter said...

What is with the toilet seat lately? My husband has put it down for the almost 35 years I've lived with him. Now in the last few months, it is never down. Late night dunks for me.

ladyfi said...

Ha ha - too funny!

Miss Caitlin S. said...

haha, that literally/figuratively mix-up is quite funny. I wish I had a good story for some of my common mistakes, it would help me to remember to not make them again!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

That sounds like a spell check mishap! My students are too young for such mistakes although I do occasionally get drawings to go along with writing that is ... interesting!

Elise Fallson said...

Hilarious! And LOL at Ciara's comment. :D

Stephen Tremp said...

Happy New Year. Long time no see. Just thought I'd stop by and say hello!

Bob G. said...

Slamdunk:
LOL...yeah, Wifey thinks the same way with me and the water-closet.

Cpuldn't we suggest some selective decapitation with members of the government?
(selectively-speaking...lol)

Good post.
Stay safe out there.

Bijoux said...

I'm hoping this was just a spelling error.

Anthony said...

Lol, I used to write all of my papers a few hours before they were due...Who knows what I wrote. :)

Secret Agent Woman said...

I have to admit that I'm one of those people who challenges others on their misuse of the word "literally." :-)

Cindy Beck, author said...

That's a good one! Thanks for sharing. :)

Maxi said...

This gave me a laugh for the week. Whoever wrote this will look back one day and wonder what they were thinking.
Blessings ~ Maxi

James (SeattleDad) said...

That's hilarious.

A Doc 2 Be said...

SO glad you are back and writing!!! Between you and Dr. Grumpy, I can get my daily dose of humor, great stories, or otherwise, disassociation with my life :)

lisa said...

....and the punishment would be totally justifiable! :-) Yes, grading student work can be very entertaining. Happy to see you're back in the swing of this blogging thing.

Diana said...

I'm with the wife on the toidy seat problem. :)