So this weekend the news was diverse, but I want to focus on one of the themes that you may have missed.
Former professional basketball player Baron Davis revealed in an interview that he was the victim of an alien abduction. The incident allegedly occurred two weeks ago while driving in Nevada, but when he awoke, he was magically in California.
Then I read a story from across the pond about a politician from North Yorkshire named Simon Parkes who states that he is romantically involved four times per year with his alien kidnappers.
Naturally, these stories got me thinking.
Is this the sign of something? How should I prepare?
But my most important question is this: Why haven't I been a victim of an alien abduction?
After some honest self-reflection, here is my list of "Top 6" reasons in quasi-David Letterman fashion:
6) Introvert: Since I enjoy solitude (and certainly like all parents lack such opportunities), I am less appealing. Why not grab Perky Paul or Paula and study why he/she is attractive and appealing to other humans?
5) Smelly Feet: If I am visiting your residence and you have a "guests remove shoes when entering rule," you really should give me an exemption. There is little chance that what I may track in your house will be worse than the scent my sock/bare feet will leave behind.
4) Projecting Voice: I regularly startle the Mrs. when I enter a quiet room and initiate a conversation. She insists I need to master voice modulation. I am going to Google that term sometime so that I know what it means.
3) Lack of Fashion Sense: When visitors from outer space look at my wardrobe choices and know that, well, mistakes are repeatedly being made, my appeal to them for additional study plummets.
2) Lousy Dancer: How can a civilization expect to advance if the examined subject lacks rhythm?
And drum roll please...
1) Bald: Need I say more? I mean the spaceship may have tried an abduction 2 or 3 times on me when they had to abort the mission due to the sunlight or other lights reflecting off my shiny noggin and blinding the poor creatures.
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